Story

I Write to You – My Dearest (Part 1)

My Dearest,

What a classic way. . I was just about to do something. But then I think about you. And I decided to write to you.

I remember when I first saw you.. do you want to know what i was thinking about you?

I was go for the toilet. And I saw you with your friends. You look at me like I’m a weird person. I was just so-so cause I don’t know you. And I heard someone (your friends) talked something about me. I don’t know what she’s said about. And then I was just don’t care what they all talked about me. After that I was just passing you all with a straight face. That first time when I saw you I think its my fresh week and it’s Friday cause I remember I wore a batik. How strong my memory, isn’t it? That was my first time I saw you.

Okay after that the second meeting. It’s also at basement. There you are with your friends. I was just go for the toilet. And I think it’s your pray time. Again I heard, someone talked about me. You know my hearing is very sensitive. I just knew it when someone talk about me. Even it’s not clear enough but I just knew it. I think they just made a joke about me. And when I just want to go back to my room someone stopped me and called my name. I turned my head back and they just laugh at me. I just saw you all with your friends… and don’t care what they all think about me. But in my mind I was just thought how weird I am to be laugh by people at that time. I was just don’t know you all but I remember all your faces.

The third meeting, the same place. I was just finish my pray. And there you all with your friends. I was with Shaima. And Shaima is still there when I go out first. I was just passing you all alone and again one of your friend calling me, I was turned my back cause I remember Shaima is still at my back. Then your friends pointed you that you want to know me. I was look at you and your friends. I know you all made a joke at me. I was just hmmm a bit annoyed. At that time I was just kept silent and looking at you and your friends. When Shaima’s came out I was just turned my back and go back to my room. I heard that all your friends laughing at me and said that they thought I was just like to said something.

The fourth meeting, I still remember. Its time for heading home. I met you with your friend Mike and he pointed you at me. And you know I was just don’t care and passing you two with a flat face.

The fifth meeting. I was filing some document in the closet (it’s not closet for toilet). I was put the document to the closet in front of my room, and you came to help me. I was just surprised by you what a kind person. But funny when I want to put it a bit higher. You just put it like it’ something that not important. You don’t look at the order to put it by. After I told you to ordered it by number you take it back but a bit difficult for you cause its high. Haha how funny but I thank for you. And as usual your friends laugh.

The sixth meeting, I was filing document at the closet and there you are with your friends. And there is Augy. I know him cause they follow me on Instagram. Augy say hi to me and there you came. And Augy said it was you who ask him to follow me on Instagram. You said no and you smile with a shy face. And you run away.. how childish, your friends said. Hahaha

The seventh meeting, you want to ask for angpao. And your friend Goldy just say hi to me and pointed you again and said you are shy to me. And after that you ask for the barongsai angpao if I’m not mistaken. But I was just busy with my stuff.

I still remember all the meeting you know I have strong memory.

Again you made a weird move. At that time was blood donors event. And you call to Lucy ext to ask me to contribute with my blood. I was just don’t know your name and you called me. I was a bit surprised, but how funny you are..

You know I still remember our meeting in office. Cause you made me curious sometimes. I was just surprised again by you when you chat me on line. It was Saturday and you know I don’t use line a lot. And I think your notification didn’t appeared. So I didn’t know you chat me. I didn’t know why on Sunday I open my line application cause you know I don’t use line much. And there you are say hi to me on line. It was yesterday haha. You know at first  I didn’t want to reply you. Cause I hate people hiding to make friends. But then I think again, maybe I was too much and I decided to reply you.

Once I know you from the chat I was just wondering how funny you are. Almost everyday you disturb me by your chat. I was just so-so and I just reply you by what’s on my mind and didn’t ask too much.

I’d like to make friend with you anyway then suddenly gossips appeared. I didn’t know how they know you chat me cause I never told to anyone. After some people knew they give some advise to me. You know what they said to me, “He is not what you think every fresh girl will be the target. You know you shouldn’t so close to him. Don’t believe him. Don’t you know before he closed to Emily and now still. Why he tried to get close to you. He is a play boy. If he didn’t get one he will try to another girl and maybe he get close to the other girls at the same time. Don’t you know he likes Emily so much. He pick up Emily from home to home. He accompany her to play at play zone, he accompany her to  goes to her friend’s wedding. He likes her so much. Why should you reply him… I know you just friend at first but who knows heart will change and you are the one who will be broke.”

You know I was just not take it seriously. We are friends and who you close to I don’t care. Cause we just friends. I ignore what all my friends said. And I keep to be friends to you. I wasn’t jealous to her or any girl who you closed to.

Okay then, time was passing by, I was just realized that maybe I can’t handle the feeling of what people’s said to me. And I start to annoyed by you. When you ask me for a ride to go home I was just said to you, maybe you can ask other girl, and after that I realize that you are a bit mad at me. I was just don’t care cause I know I wasn’t made any mistakes. I was just mad because why should you give me a ride if you want to close to more than friends. And I remember people said that you also give a ride to Emily and still. Why should you go that closer to me if you still like Emily so much. Then I said to you you could give a ride to others. And I realize that you mad at me because I accepted Ray ride rather than you. After that we didn’t go on talk. And I wasn’t feeling any guilty cause I didn’t made any mistakes. You know why I don’t want to go for a ride with you cause I read your Social media and your friends comment to your pict. You know it was office outing. We are on the same bus. You took a picture and you post it on Instagram to get the prize. And because we already follow each other I can see your post. One of your friend said to you on a comment “Al please take care the how much words”. you said, “I always take care of her”, your friend’s said “thank you, you are my friends”, and you reply to him, “but she’s mine”. I was just realized it’s Emily. And I just realized that how could you keep me on between you and her. And I started to believe what people’s said to me. That’s why I always ignore you and I can’t accept your “kindness” to ride me home.

Back to before the comment on socmed, After I reject what you offered to me I just realized that you got a bit mad at me and start to stay away from me. I realized that. And at the same time my friends trying to get me close on Ray.

After a  month you didn’t go on talk with me then you appeared again. You came up like there wasn’t any problem. I was just hmmm okay. Maybe he is a labile person. And I don’t know why I just started to think that you are more care to me. I was just didn’t know what happen between you and her. But I heard that you are not into her again. I don’t know what happen but I just don’t care. I just heard that your friend’s said that way. I was like feel doubtful about you but I think I started to like you. I was just ignoring what all my friends said to me. And I even got being hate by them cause I ignore Ray. From the beginning I was just want to be friends with him and it continued even how hard he tried to get closer to me. I was just feeling like maybe I am too bad. I did bad to him. But who knows heart changes. I can’t just think of people’s always. I should think about myself also. That’s why I choose you…

I just believe you and I don’t care what people’s said. But someday, when we already together I was disturbed by what people’s said. And I start to lifted up the story of you before. The past from you. Sometimes we even got fight about it. It’s not something that I can’t keep anymore. Maybe I’m a little bit change. A bit too much. But human is the places where jealous comes. After  that I started to think, who are you. Why do I get so comfort but I don’t really know you. My friend’s said if you want to know your crush you should at least stalked him first. So you know how he is with his friends or what he was up to. Hmmm, it’s not something that kind of me. I never stalk anyone cause I just believe that everyone has their past and people changes. And I remember one of my friend’s said, you just like his backup because he didn’t get the girl he wants to. Oh my gosh, I think I should try to know him more. I search your name on google. There you are your facebook and your twitter. I’m bit sad of what I found about you and your past. Seems like you really love her and then I remember that you even still like her post on Instagram and you are the one who congratulate her first when she graduated her masters. Too bad that you are already with me when you seems like still care (knowing every particular object) of her. Seems like some pieces of her still in you. I was just well, who I am. You even lied to me when I ask you about your ex that you aren’t in touch again even in socmed. Well I started to think, how could you lie to me that way.. sometimes I think over over at myself. Even my eyes a bit wet when I think about that. I read your tweet with your ex girlfriend. And it’s just like something different between me and her. You keep in touch to her intense but with me not.

I think more and more.. okay I got into conclusion maybe teen love is that way. It’s clear, I don’t have to be so jealous. After that I accept your apology. Then further, your gesture sometimes doesn’t make me believe that you really into me. You keep it me away from your priority. I’m the one who will be the second of your priority. It doesn’t mean that I’m egoist and should be your priority but you have just to make it balance. You could reply any other you could open your watsapp your Instagram your skype and anything else. But you weren’t read my text on line. You are too busy with your stuff and your friends and not give a bit time or small time to me. Everyday you change become worse and worse. Our communication become worse. I always tell what I don’t like and what’s disturb me about yours. After that okay you ask for sorry. But you don’t make any prove to change. It’s just like hmmm sorry for my bad I will change. And the next day you made it again. How can I handle with it always. You made a promise and you broke it at the same time. I was just like a boom that will explode. You said it so easy and you broke it easier then.

How could I trust you anymore? I was just start to think maybe you are not really serious on me. You just want to have girlfriend to made you not as a single person anymore. What’s that?? I started to think negatively. It’s not me….

Day by day I change become someone who is not me. My mood start to up and down easily and my calmness getting down. But I’m only human how can I stay calm always even I’m a calm person. Everyday I got disappointed more and more because of what you did. you are the one who can keep a silent longer than me. You are the winner to be the one who are not to care and don’t ask anything for a day or more. You don’t have any initiatives to talk to me. Sometimes I think of what you ask just a chit chat, that you are not really want to know the answer of it. That’s why sometimes you just keep it hmmm later and you just enjoy with your stuff and what surrounds you. Okay that’s my negative thinking. I don’t want to be a bad person anymore who always disappointed and think negatively. Now I will start to make it as something usual that I will set my mind not to really care of what you did to me. I want to believe that if you really love and care you will prove it and it takes time. I will just wait for the time when the wheel will be stop spinning.

Anyway don’t get mistaken I still care of you.

Yours,

-Pamela-

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